Sunday, May 27, 2012


I don't know what kind of weird fate I'm facing currently,since the 1st day of semester break till now. It's like I'm being bind,and stacked with sort of things that out of my thinking capacity and capability. Today, in the Majlis Alumni SMK Seri Iskandar, among 40 to 50 table there, I'm at the same table with Lemon. I don't hold any grudges with her,I don't hate her,..just that it's some kind of weird things to happen.Coincidence, or maybe fate.Thanks god Hyda and Copie also in the same table to accompany me. To Lemon, I'm sorry to be there and ruin your mood. Hontouni gomenasaii.

In the end, Hinata didn't come. I feel grateful, maybe. It's a good think that she didn't come, maybe I can erase her easily. I really afraid to see her.Now I understand what one of my friends said on how he so afraid to see a girl.

Still,it's still fun to be there with friends, teachers. And we, the ZERO RANGE also performed 2 songs there,Bintang Jingga (which had been changed to Bintang Kehidupan) and The 4 Seasons.Friends, they really helps me to escape from my serabut thinking I'm having now. Thanks guys.

Now I'm in the state of "don't want to think of anything". Too much things that makes me tired mentally. Even makes me feels like I'm leaving....AstaghfirullahAlazim..

Saturday, May 26, 2012

owhh ok

Just "owhh ok".. that's really's better if u just ignored and didn't reply at all. sorry that I put this here..Sorry to be someone that so stubborn..I don't think that you'll read this,but okay I get it, I'll give up.. thanks for everything,anything..wish you the best.. 

Saturday, May 12, 2012

What kind of sorcery is this?

Each time think I about Hinata before I sleep, I end up dreaming about Lemon. Whatefffish....
History is history. Both of them isn't in my life anymore.

Kyahhh, mustn't think about anyone before sleep, or it will turn up like this.. grr -,-

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Sugar & Spice:Woman is so complicated !

Finish watching Sugar and Spice (Fumi Zekka). Ohhh what a lovey dovey story. About a boy named Shiro, who fell in love for the first time, but sadly in the end his girlfriend leave him and go back to her ex-boyfriend.. whattaa.. how could she do that? he really take care of her..
and BBOOOMM strike to my heart,the painful feeling of breakup came back..more hurt than Electric smite.. ERHHH.. that last scene when he ride his bicycle to chase the girl, that leaving with his former ex-boyfriend,with car.. Yeah reality, rich people always win.. then he crashed to the roadside, uwaaaa TT_____TT

Woman is so complicated for man to understand. To that special someone, their NO means YES. And unlike man,they love to tell each other about their love progress.Girls Talk.

His grandma said,

"If you sample food and it doesn't taste right,you put it back. If you try on clothes and they don't fit right,you put it back"

That's the situation that man always been through.Usually,girls love-thinking is like that.Like the phrase.If she feels that the man not suit for her, then its the end. Breakup. I'm not saying that all girls are the same,but logically woman need a man more than man need a woman in life. So the experiment begin... *sfx Zero Range-Love Experiment*
And for the man,nothing you can do.But still,it's not your fault. You had done your best.

Sugar and spice,that's what a girl are made of. Honestly,I really don't get it.Pfftt.. I'm a man after all.

I hope I can sing this song to my girlfriend.Future girlfriend.Or maybe she already be my wife.Who knows..

Thursday, May 3, 2012

"Mom,I can't walk anymore."

 Is it only matter of me being patient? One year ago, I could stand, I could talk and I could laugh. Now, I can't walk, however much I try, however much I grit my teeth and try to hold on with a frown.
   "Mom,I can't walk anymore,"I write on a piece of paper, restraining my tears, "I can't stand even if I hold on to something". I open the door slightly and gave it to her.I closed the door again quickly because I didn't want her to see my face, and I knew it would be painful to see Mom's face.
    I crawled three meters to the toilet.The corridor was chilly.The soles of my feet are soft like a normal palm of hand.But my palms and knees are hard like a normal sole of the foot.Crawling's not a nice thing to do,but it can't be helped.It's the only way I can move around...
   I felt somebody behind me.I stopped and looked back...There was Mom crawling behind me,without saying anything...Her tears were falling to the floor..All of my suppressed emotions suddenly burst out and I started crying.
   Mom held me tightly and let me cry as I wished.Her knees were soaking wet with my tears,and her tears wet my hair.
   "Aya,we're sad,but we'll keep going,OK? I am with you. Now,let's go back to your room before your bottom gets cold.I'm strong enough to carry you on my back. Even if we have an earthquake or a fire,I'll help you first.Don't worry and sleep tight.There's no need to think about unnecessary things."
   Then she carried me back to my room in her arms.

I've become a person who can do nothing but weep and whimper.The lump on an inferiority complex is growing inside my brain. I think it's a product of being disabled.But I'm still alive. I'm continuing to breathe in order to live-because I can't die,and nothing can be done about me.That's a dreadful way to say it.When I cry, I get wrinkles on my eyebrows and my face becomes ugly.To improve my face when I look at the mirror, I try to grin, even though there's nothing funny.

written by Aya Kito:Diary of Tears (1 Litre of Tears)