"Mom,I can't walk anymore."

 
 Is it only matter of me being patient? One year ago, I could stand, I could talk and I could laugh. Now, I can't walk, however much I try, however much I grit my teeth and try to hold on with a frown.
   "Mom,I can't walk anymore,"I write on a piece of paper, restraining my tears, "I can't stand even if I hold on to something". I open the door slightly and gave it to her.I closed the door again quickly because I didn't want her to see my face, and I knew it would be painful to see Mom's face.
    I crawled three meters to the toilet.The corridor was chilly.The soles of my feet are soft like a normal palm of hand.But my palms and knees are hard like a normal sole of the foot.Crawling's not a nice thing to do,but it can't be helped.It's the only way I can move around...
   I felt somebody behind me.I stopped and looked back...There was Mom crawling behind me,without saying anything...Her tears were falling to the floor..All of my suppressed emotions suddenly burst out and I started crying.
   Mom held me tightly and let me cry as I wished.Her knees were soaking wet with my tears,and her tears wet my hair.
   "Aya,we're sad,but we'll keep going,OK? I am with you. Now,let's go back to your room before your bottom gets cold.I'm strong enough to carry you on my back. Even if we have an earthquake or a fire,I'll help you first.Don't worry and sleep tight.There's no need to think about unnecessary things."
   Then she carried me back to my room in her arms.

I've become a person who can do nothing but weep and whimper.The lump on an inferiority complex is growing inside my brain. I think it's a product of being disabled.But I'm still alive. I'm continuing to breathe in order to live-because I can't die,and nothing can be done about me.That's a dreadful way to say it.When I cry, I get wrinkles on my eyebrows and my face becomes ugly.To improve my face when I look at the mirror, I try to grin, even though there's nothing funny.

written by Aya Kito:Diary of Tears (1 Litre of Tears)